Somebody stole my pants in Kavala!

[Renagade_Rhys]

I wish to note that somebody stole my pants in Kavala and then tried to take me roughly from the rear! I must also note that this seems to be a reoccurring theme on here. Why am I so irresistible to males on here!? I shall travel on Altis in future with a cork wedged up my buthole!

 

[Davros]

Perhaps this is a sign of a return by Lord Sandisk? If so, I'м not sure the cork will help

 

[PaulS]

Isn't this my job these days?

 

[Ryan]

All islanders on Altis do seem to have an anal fetish for some reason...I've probably been raped and abused more than I have actually robbed or taken hostage

 

[Edgar Ville]

I've been trying to warn the Government about this for months, a reduction in prostate exams has led to a severe obsession with inserting items into strangers' anal cavities.
Listen to me Government of Altis!
This road we tread can only lead to serious en masse, simultaneous prolapse!


(Ex)Dr Edgar Ville, Altis' Primary MD in the field of Proctology 

You may have disgraced me as a crackpot but tell me now I didn't warn you!

 

[Reverend]

Lord Sandisk shall hear of this. He legally owns every crevice in Altis due to a by-law from 1873 stating that the owner of Kavala castle becomes the one entrusted with filling pot holes on the island.

A typo in the original document means he is forced to engage in anal sex with every man he meets. Sometimes ladies too. Both of them on the island.

 

[Lord SanDisk]

Oh i hope you're a squirter! One does ponder about explosive chocolate milkshake I have does' bithes lining up for a good ol' smashin! 

If you're lucky enough, your arse will end up looking like a hippos yawn!

 

[Juani Juan]

I dont even know why I laughed, I feel bad for your butthole sir.

 

[Renagade_Rhys]

Oh the humanity!!!!!! well at least u didn't leave these comments behind my ba......ummmm, what I meant was, at least I read all of these.